Early morning wake up call today I need to be on the ward for 7.00am at Addenbrookes for preparation for surgery. I have to say today feels busy and I would like to curl up and go back to bed.
I find myself trying to make myself presentable and working out what to wear to make myself feel and look great . I forgot to mention over the last week or so a rare thing has hit me to feel a little selfish and want things for myself . I think I felt by loosing a breast my femininity would be damaged a but like damaged goods on a fruit counter. So instead of walking around at home in a slumber wearing pjs or whatever was remotely comfortable . I had this idea I would go into hospital sparkling and looking stunning . So first I find a good Xmas Classic jumper , ooh a pair of leather boots , jacket (fur) but not real . In between this I'm saying to my husband what about the kids Xmas and feeling a sense of guilt but feeling a need to be satisfied. Not to mention lol I decided I wanted some socks as I get cold feet . What a picture I'm going to look all smart but casual and worried if everyone would see yes the socks .
Well today is the day of a real difficulty I think with emotions high but still no tears ....who knows why . So we arrive early as arranged and I wait to my ward . So many people there so early not all for the same reason. Can you believe they do a mastectomy and if all is well they send you home the next day !!!!!! I remember when I had my first baby I was in hospital for a week.
In the mean time I'm thirsty but I can't drink and haven't drunk up until a certain time the night before. They allow me to take my normal medication with some water which was a blessing and then do all there normal observations . This is preparing me for what's to come , my surgeon came to see me to have a chat just to go through what will happen . Not to mention my tattoo given of where they would work on .
I have to say yet again I have been fortunate to be treated so well and with the utmost dignity at all times. If I had a question they would answer it but 9/10 they would have told me everything .
Although I got there early I was in line to go into surgery at 11.00 am I was the third on the list . I waited with my husband until my time was up to go in but it looks a while yet . Its all go here patients ready for day stay the hustle and bustle of the ward. Whilst we contemplated what was to come we were fully informed all the way along which was reassuring for jay and myself.
Going into Surgery wasn't quite as worrying as I thought it would be so that was less of a worry for me than it was for jay. It wasn't long once settled in the operating theatre and the staff chatted with me whilst preparing me to be under anaesthetic. We started to count 1, 2 , 3 gone I am surprised how quick I was out like light.
When I awoke my inner fears of Surgery were over and I woke up in recovery and my surgeon came to tell me things went very well and according to plan with no complications. A big sigh of relief for me. The first thing I admit to doing was looking and the wound as it wasn't covered ...im not sure what I think but however I am not terribly shocked either. Its quite bizarre I have this kind of neutral feeling if my breast was still there The cancer could get so much worse. This way I have the chance for it to be gone from the breast where the masses were. The one other thing found In surgery was they took two Lymph nodes away that shows up as being a possible problem.
I was so happy to see jay in recovery he was the first person I asked for , so they went to get him for me.
Jay and I sat and chatted in recovery and had a cuddle but I was quite sore and felt a little restricted in movement. Everyone is different though in how they are affected after surgery and I felt extremely tight in moving my left arm. I was offered pain killers after surgery but I didn't take the stronger pain option. I was very proud of myself for that reason and I wont forget that.
I was on a four bed bay at Addenbrookes and the people around me inspired me 2 had Cancer of other types and one lady was in due to an attack near to her door and was slashed in the face. I said I couldn't help but overhear her tragic consequences of the senseless attack on her. Such a brave lady and she was expecting as well. People find outstanding bravery and she was one solid and amazing person. At one point I remember saying to her about what happened to her and she asked about me . I found myself saying oh its just cancer!!!!(did I really say that, the answer is yes ) I am more worried about you. It must be the motherly instinct knowing she was pregnant and she was only young .
I had a little unsettled night getting comfortable plus I had the added drain attached so there wasn't a fluid build up of fluid on the chest wall.
I cant actually believe this but if I am well I go home tomorrow possibly with drain. Night all zzzzzz See you tomorrow x
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